Unwrapping the Gifts of Criticism

Beyond the initial punch-in-the-gut response we feel when someone expresses criticism and judgement about us, if we can steady ourselves emotionally as a first step, then we are well-positioned to glean the gifts wrapped in the messy packaging of criticism.

People’s ability to express their disapproval always seems to land at exactly the wrong time; when we are totally overwhelmed with life, emotionally raw, or venturing to try something new. Alas, there never is a good time to be criticized, and I may pose the possibility that it may actually arrive at the exact time its meant to. Let’s be clear though: I am in no way advocating to be critical of someone because they “need” it, nor am I suggesting that someone stay in an unhealthy/abusive situation for this same reason. I am speaking to the random judgements that shock our system.

And criticism IS a shock. Seemingly out of nowhere someone feels the need to drop their “truth bomb” on you. Whether it’s crass or wrapped in sophisticated packaging, we often feel it in our body first. Our energetic systems feels a disturbance in the force (yes, to quote Star Wars) and our emotions act as first responders. The spectrum of what we may feel is broad and wide: anger, defensiveness, shrinking into smallness, shame, etc.

After the dust of criticism has settled and our emotions are less acute, how can we salvage anything worthwhile from an experience of being overtly judged?

Observation

Ya, we have to take a step back. This is where we consciously facilitate some emotional and psychic distance. We allow ourselves to move out of the microcosm of hurt we feel so we can take a broader look at the criticism event. This takes discipline. We have to breathe into a space larger than ourselves so we can consider the criticism as objectively as possible. For example: an action occurred, something was said, perhaps a retort occured, and the whole experience was left in a particular way. Just see it for what it is. By doing so, we allow ourselves to be removed from the situation temporarily and observe the interaction from the outside, rather than from the devastating inside.

Reflection

Okay, going out on a limb here…but first, a disclaimer: you are NOT responsible for other people’s unhealed wounds that are perpetuated via criticism. You do not have to believe their judgements or buy into their assessment of you.

You do NOT.

The thing about reflection is that it gives YOU, not them, the ability to evaluate yourself. It is super easy to simply say you did nothing to warrant such criticism and perhaps that is entirely true. But, how will you know it IS entirely true if you do not actually consider for a moment that there maybe something important to see here? The choice to take time to reflect is actually a gift of growth we give ourselves. By reflecting and self-evaluating, we may learn something new or better yet, become reaffirmed in who we truly are.

Sovereignty

We have a right to our own sovereignty. What does this mean? Sovereignty is defined as the full right and power of a governing body over itself, without any interference from outside sources or bodies (Wikipedia). In the context of fielding criticism, we have power over ourselves to not be swayed by the judgements of others. After we have observed and reflected, which is SUPER adulting by the way, we can then make a thoughtful assessment of our experience; take in what is necessary to learn, and toss out the rest.

Knowing that we are solely responsible for governing our actions, responses, and growth mechanisms, we can stand more fully in the truth of who we are and who we are not.

Being criticized sucks. It just does. But ultimately, when we unwrap the judgements coming at us and employ observation, reflection, and sovereignty we can find gold. Adopting these action steps affords us an opportunity to challenge ourselves to stay grounded, self-evaluate, and walk a path of empowerment. Nudged by the universe, we can choose to see that self-assessment often needs a catalyst to generate evolution.

We evaluate and evolve.

Pretty darn empowering. Likewise, we are given an additional opportunity to remember deep in our core who we are when criticism arises. We are offered a chance to pull up from our subconscious the memory of where we have come from and the work we’ve done to get us to where we are. Where we are headed may come into sharper focus.

Again, pretty darn empowering.

So the next time judgement and external assessment lands in our laps, we can feel all the feels but know that criticism won’t own us. We can choose to SUPER adult, embody our sovereignty, and move forward with pockets full of gold.

Jen Hudziec is Ritualist, Ancestral Lineage Repair Practitioner, Death Doula, Fire Walk Facilitator, and Dagara Diviner.  As an animist she has spent decades integrating Earth honoring practices with her former Catholic upbringing while reviving the traditions of her Slavic ancestors. She is a student of the Dagara tradition and credits her mentors Malidoma Some and Ann Sousa for passing on the elemental wisdom of the Dagara. Jen offers online private sessions, public rituals, education, and group circles. She can be reached at Jenhudziec.com